It Is The Little Foxes That Destroy The Vines (Songs of Sol. 2:15)
Year 1 of Marriage
We married each other because we believed God brought us together, we loved one another, we went through pre-marital counseling, and we felt as though we would be invincible. However, 8 months after we were married things started to get crazy for us. Our finances suffered, we had to move in with family...Errick was fired and I was told by the Lord to leave my job during month 5 of our marriage. We wanted so badly to not be that "Year one is hard" couple, but God had to mold us.
The new year of 2016 comes around and we are at odds. Errick believed one thing while I believed something different. The moment came when we had to make a decision...Well, I moved back to Texas and Errick remained in La. We both did not think we would be separated. But we were and remained that way for months. But this was the moment I discovered that within our marriage, I too had to stand up in faith! Who wants their marriage to fail?
The Holy Spirit spoke this to me
"Yes, in marriage two shall become one, but you still have to seek me for yourself"
I must admit, I was riding off of my husbands praises and relationship with Jesus. I would seek sometimes, praise sometimes...but quickly I learned that I had to be just as much of seeker if not more than my husband. His loving words turned to "how long until we can file for divorce". I started to see what he felt when I would just brush off his role within our home. See, I felt that because I had more education, because I brought in more of the income...I could move and say whatever I chose and disrespect his role as head of the household. I nagged him about who he was and who I was and who we were.
God is such a good God because He gave us both a chance to see Him for Who He is!
While my husband was fighting with his role and our marriage...I had to learn some ugly truths about myself. Selfishness should be the FIRST thing to go from couples who are married. I had to allow Jesus to show me...me. I was controlling and manipulative. It was hard to see those things come to light. I prayed and fasted because I had absolutely NO idea how to pray for my marriage especially since my husband was also a man after God. When he would call to basically nag during the separation, I had to combat things said with love. I learned just how powerful Love really is. How powerful Forgiveness is.
A wife is a helper. It doesn't matter if you bring in more income or if you have more education. We have to respect our husbands. I had to love my husband regardless of what I was hearing and seeing. I KNEW WHO I married. I had to go through God to get back to a right standing with the man I had said "I do" to and also to see God mend us back together. Errick was ready to move on with his life.
A husband is a protector. He guards his home. God calls a husband to love his wife as Christ loves the church (Eph.5:25) and to love her just as he loves his own body (Eph5:28). Men have a heavy load because they carry their families not just physically, but also spiritually. When he is standing before God, he will have to answer on how he led his family. If his wife chooses not to respect him, he still has to love her. Just as a wife has to respect her husband AND his decisions even if she does not agree.
HOW TO MEND IT?
Seek Him with Your WHOLE heart.
Do not accept divorce as the final answer.
I use to pray, "God, You told me he was my husband. I was not looking for him, You brought us together, you have to FIX this!" We were separated 2 months and our anniversary came and went without my husband acknowledging it, but I still had to persevere. There were very few people I spoke to during that time because I did not want negativity filling my heart. There were men coming out of the woodworks and I started to wonder if I should just give up, but I knew I could not! I cut off all distractions. Ladies, it is easy to hear all the good another man is talking while your marriage is on the rocks. I urge you to disconnect from it.
Six days after our 1 year anniversary, my husband came home. He still says that he was blinded. He said none of the jobs he sought came through and he believed we were supposed to be back out there. He said he felt conviction because he was not protecting me and Kaleb. On the other hand, I felt conviction for demeaning him. God opened a door for him to get a good job and we have been doing well ever since. When we got news of our infertility, we had our moments of discouragement, but I must say that I love my husband more now that I did when we stood and made our vow to God and witnesses.
There is no special formula to this. BOTH have to be willing to be corrected and to forgive and fight in love. It is soooo easy to give up. But when you fight and make it through the ugliness, there is then beauty. Some may be asking, "What if I am fighting and my spouse isn't?" We were there! But listen, you have to take your hands off and cares off of "what is my spouse doing" and give ALL of that to God. Your spouse will say hurtful things and things will seem like they are getting worse before they get better, but you have to seek after the One who created your spouse. Leave all of your concerns in His loving hands. Get you together.
Here Are Some Scriptures To Stand On
1 Peter 3:1 says, "Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives".
1 Peter 3:7 says, "Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as the the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered.
Amos 3:3 says, "Can two walk together, unless they are agreed".
1 Peter 4:8 says, "And above all things have fervent love for one another, for "love will cover a multitude of sins".
Remember that Only God can mend a broken marriage IF you allow Him to!