Surrender. Submitting to His Authority.
Asking Jesus to be Lord of our lives does not mean that we get this howdy-doody life. It can be hard. We want, we need, we seek, we cry, we ask, we give up, we pick up our cross, we run, we get a burst of energy to go forth in Christ.
But when the sufferings come, can you in spite of your situation, say "Jesus, Your Will"? Can you be content? Can you still be used by Him?
Remember when you were not following Him, but He still showed you grace and mercy? He still accepted you. He still loved you. So nothing about your situation makes those wonderful things change about Who He is!
The hard days come, but there is still beauty if you can just see it through. Please be encouraged. Your story is not finished. When your mind starts to wonder, remember His word. Dive into scripture. Get to know Him through His word. Do not let the enemy play with your mind.