Oh boy...Ladies, a huge bolder that sits on us comes from self-consciousness. You are probably saying, "I am not self-conscience". Okay. Let me talk about myself for a second then. Growing up, I was never the girl who went around throwing around "I'm pretty and I know it". I was always told "You are beautiful...You are pretty...", but regardless of how many times I heard it, I did not believe it for myself. Some days were better than others. My mom did not let me wear makeup in high-school, so I had to deal with the mascara wearing girls who got all of the attention from boys. Even though I was an athlete and despite hearing words that girls want to hear...I was messed up within.
I had a really bad view of myself. There was a cousin of mine who I felt was so beautiful and she was even treated differently by my grandmother. I remember one christmas she received a porcelain tea set and I received slippers. (Now let me say this...This is NOT to bash my grandmother). But sometimes people do things and do not realize the effect it can have and since I was so young and already growing up in a dysfunctional home...All I saw of myself was, well...nothing.
Do not let me get on the subject of boys...I avoided them throughout my high-school years and went to prom with my cousin my senior year. I did have a prom date from another school my junior year, but that was only because my best-friend practically begged me to say yes to going with him. Add college and always being a notch in someone's belt instead of someone's pride and joy...Just added to the bolder already on top of me.
Set Free but Still Working Through It
Here I am 30yrs old and there are still times I have to remind myself that I am not the same little girl or teenager. My husband Errick saw just how bad my view of myself was when we were married. He absolutely could not believe it! It is small things now and he is constantly woo-ing me, but I fight internally...still. The crazy part is, I do not compare myself to anyone, but myself. When I have feelings of not feeling good enough...It is not because of another woman...It is strictly me looking at Val in the mirror.
How do I overcome this?
The best way to overcome this is to read what God says about us.
O Lord, You have searched me and known me. You know my sitting down and my rising up; You understand my thought afar off. You comprehend my path and my lying down, and are acquainted with all my ways....v.1-3
For You formed my inward parts; You covered me in my mother's womb. I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made, Marvelous are Your works And that my soul knows very well....v.13-14
How precious also are Your thoughts to me, O God! How great is the sum of them! If I should count them, they would be more in number than the sand...v.17-18
The only way to overcome is by repeating God's word back to yourself. You cannot expect to get over it, if that were the case, I would have been over this 20+ years ago. I challenge you to see you the way God sees you! Read the entire Psalm 139.