Today marks cycle number 25 with TTC (trying to conceive). This one was a little longer than my normal 28 day...It came right at day 30...You probably just laughed at that 2 day difference. So of course, somewhere in my mind the thoughts arose, "Is this it? Could we possibly be pregnant despite the odds?"
Not this month
So, now what? Today is a day just like any other and regardless of Aunt Flo's visit, it is another day that I am thankful for. Honestly, there are many women who do not have normal cycles. I am thankful to still be counting down the days and have her show up within that time frame. It means that my body is functioning as it should. My heart goes out to the woman who has not seen her cycle in months with no signs of ovulation, or the woman who sees her cycle way too much, or the woman who saw the two lines on a pregnancy test only for it to end in a miscarriage shortly after.
But Infertility is Not God's Plan!
Months ago, I would cry my heart out when AF would show up. I mean "Pity party day". But then I released it to God. Saturday, while at the mall, I must have seen 10 pregnant women and a million babies...I remember as me and my husband sat to eat I said, "I know I am delivered because normally this scene would bother me really bad". I mean I did not feel anger or bitterness towards any of them.
If you have struggled with infertility any amount of time...You have had moments of frustration at seeing others pregnant whether you knew them or not. But what good does it do to any of us to remain in that place? It is either enjoy what you do have and strive to do what God is calling or allow your spirit to die.
My husband has baby fever so bad, he can taste it and it tickles me so much to see him react when a baby crosses his path. But we have found joy in this process. Friday we are going to his Urology visit and to be honest...anything can come from this visit. But believe it or not, I am excited just knowing that my husband agreed to go and seek answers.
So cycle #25...I am okay with it. It is only a season and seasons change!